Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM)

One of my colleagues was ordained online, and performed matrimony of another colleague (who is an atheist with orthodox Christian upbringing) at his house! Fortunately, practices like this are not prevalent (at least, not yet). It is good that the TTD doesn't offer on-line Kalyanams (on accepting payments through PayPal/Visa/Amex) with Names, Gotras, and Nakshatras inserted into mantras in a synthetic voice (based on data from online application). Then, we probably will be able to buy Tirupati prasadam 24/7 in vending machines all over India (and abroad)! This would be one good way of sucking the spirit out of rituals. I think efficiency is not always a good thing.

I heard of this FSM from the guy who got married - It takes all kinds of beliefs (and non-believers) to make this world an interesting place. The following is a letter by the followers of FSM to the Kansas School Board

Open Letter to the Kansas School Board

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.

In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

Sincerely Yours,

Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.

Geography Bee - 2007

Watched Suneil Iyer (the name sounds like that of a PIO), a 12-year old, win the second prize in National Geographic Bee 2007 last week. I noticed that PIOs do well in Spelling Bee also. As we are not big on sports, I guess this is the closest competition to Rugby that we (Desis/ABCDs) Excel at! If outcomes of wars are decided based on Bees, India will become a Super Power a lot faster! Here is the full story.

What city, divided by a river of the same name, was the imperial capital of Vietnam? The answer to this question — Hue — won 14-year-old Caitlin Snaring from Redmond, Wash., a $25,000 college scholarship Wednesday at the 19th annual National Geographic Bee. Caitlin is only the second girl to win in the bee's history.

"I don't know why more girls aren't interested in geography," she told reporters after winning the championship round. "I wanted a girl winner this year."

This was Caitlin's second time representing Washington state at the competition which challenges 10-to-14-year-old knowledge of geography, culture and geology. Last year she was eliminated in the preliminary round. Her father, David Snaring, said she started studying for the 2007 bee the day after her loss. She even studied while attending her brother's baseball games, he said.

This time around, Caitlin did not miss a single question in two days of intense competition.

During her introductory banter with the bee's moderator, "Jeopardy!" host Alex Trebek, Caitlin revealed that her other passion is studying the history of pottery and making ceramic replicas. Recently, her interests have been particularly captured by Greek and Minoan pottery, she said.

Besides her father, Caitlin was joined by her mother, Traci Snaring, and 13-year-old brother, Carl. Her grandmothers, Selma Snaring and Betty Hedge, also attended.

Suneil Iyer, 12, from Olathe, Kan., came in second. He won a $15,000 college scholarship. Third-place contestant, Mark Arildsen, 13, from Nashville, Tenn., won a $10,000 college scholarship. All of the top 10 finalists won $500 for advancing beyond the preliminary round.

Fifty-five participants between fifth and eighth grade came to Washington, D.C., to compete in the national bee. They represented the 50 states, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, the U.S. Virgin Islands, the Pacific Territories and the Department of Defense dependent schools. The group was narrowed down to 10 finalists during the first round of competition Tuesday.

Paint Your Wagon

Today, enjoyed the movie Paint Your Wagon (1969) and some of the lyrics in this musical. Here are some quotes I liked from this movie.

Conversation between Mrs. Fenty (religious) and Ben (a drunkard)

Mrs. Fenty: You should read the Bible, Mr. Rumson.
Ben Rumson: I have read the Bible, Mrs. Fenty.
Mrs. Fenty: Didn't that discourage you about drinking?
Ben Rumson: No, but it sure killed my appetite for readin'!

Pardner: Ben, how's married life?
Ben Rumson: Pardner, it was so good that I forgot that I was married.

Horton: Mr. Rumson, I swore I wouldn't tell anyone. I hope that means except my father and mother.
Ben Rumson: That means especially your father and mother.
Horton: But I've never kept anything from them before.
Ben Rumson: Well, it's time you started. Because when you do, a whole new world opens up.

While a Parson was chiding the citizens of No Name City for their vices:

Parson: Ye godless jaspers! Who are ya? Freemasons? Rosicrucians? Heathen emissaries from the depths of Babylon? Boozers! Gluttons! Gamblers! Fornicators!
Steve Bull: Whassa fornicator?
Haywood Holbrook: I dunno. I ain't a religious man.

Finally, the lyrics of the song, the first thing you know (liked the pun with "arson"):

God made the mountains
God made the sky
God made the people
God knows why

He fixed up the planet
As best as He could
Then in come the people
And gum it up good

The first thing you know

They civilized the foothills
And every weary put hills
The mountains and valley below
They come along and take 'em

And civilize and make 'em
A place where no civilized
Person would go

The first thing you know
The first thing you know

They civilize what's pretty
By puttin' up a city
Where nothin' that's
Pretty can grow

They muddy up the winter
And civilize it, into a place
Too uncivilized
Even for snow

The first thing you know

They civilize left
They civilize right
Till nothing is left
Till nothing is right

They civilize freedom
Till no one is free
No one except
By coincidence, me

The first thing you know
The boozer's in prison
And the criminally isn't

And only the rascals have gone

When I see a parson
I gotta put my arson in
A wagon that follows the tail of a crow

The first thing you know
I pick up a growl
The first thing you know

Memorial Day (05.28.07)

I think one good way (for the leaders) of observing Memorial Day is by ensuring that the list of soldiers added to the next year's commemoration is minimized. While offering his respects today, I wish that President Bush would acquire wisdom, gather courage, admit that the war in Iraq is being fought for a wrong cause, and order the troops to pull out of Iraq ASAP. I realize that it is hard for any of us to admit our own big faults. But shouldn't the leader of the free world be a little different than the rest?

Some argue that if the troops are pulled out of Iraq now, the world would perceive the US as a coward, ergo, the status quo - stay the course. It appears that hundreds of soldiers are dying in this wrong war (along with thousands of innocent civilians on the other side of the line) predominantly to satiate the ego of the leaders (and their constituents). Here is a comic strip I loved from yesterday's Austin American Statesman about the Mission Accomplished.

Trans-Neptunian Object (TNO)

To the disappointment of many elementary school kids, Pluto was removed from the list of planets in our solar system by the International Astronomical Union (IAU) in August 2006. I heard about this in the news last year and I have been thinking on checking into this a little more closely. Here is some information I gathered on Pluto, TNO, and what prompted Pluto's honorable discharge from the elite planetary group.

Pluto is different

It is smaller than they thought at first, even smaller than Mercury. Yet, yet it has a sizeable moon, Charon

Its path around the Sun is more elongated than the other planets. It is so elongated that it is closer to the Sun than Neptune for about 20 years of its 248-year orbital period.

Another oddity about Pluto is the inclination of its orbit. All the other planets follow paths in a narrow band within the boundaries of the constellations we call the zodiac, but Pluto's orbit takes it well above and below that band.

TNO

In 1992, astronomers began finding smaller Pluto-like bodies in the distant reaches of the Solar System called the Kuiper (KI-per) Belt. In 2002, when nearly 100 Kuiper Belt Objects (KBOs) were already known, astronomers found a particularly large one, about half the size of Pluto, that they named Quaoar (kwa-oh-wahr) after a creation god of the Native American Tongva tribe. Its discovery was especially big news since it orbits the sun once in 288 years and has a more planet-like orbit than Pluto-Charon (more circular and less inclined).

Scientists who study the way planetary systems formed have been speaking for years about a region far beyond the Kuiper Belt where many comets are born. Called the Oort Cloud, it is full of icy bodies that orbit the sun at about thirty times the distance of Pluto. In November 2003, astronomers observed a large icy body far beyond Pluto. By March 2004, they recognized that it was the first known Oort Cloud object. They named it Sedna for the Inuit goddess of the ocean, and reported a number of details about it and its orbit.

Sedna is nearly as red as Mars, but too far away and dim for scientists to determine what is is made of (besides ice). Because it is nearing its closest point to the Sun, Sedna is experiencing a warm spell. Its temperature is probably a balmy 240 degrees below zero Celsius (400 degrees below zero Fahrenheit). At its most distant point, it will be many degrees colder. The best estimate of its size is 1700 kilometers (1000 miles), halfway between Pluto and Quaoar. That's large enough for the NASA news release to call it a "planet-like body."

On July 29, 2005, Dr. Mike Brown of the California Institute of Technology announced that he and fellow astronomers Chad Trujillo (of the Gemini Observatory in Hawaii) and David Rabinowitz (of Yale University) had found a world bigger than Pluto. On October 31, 2003, they first photographed it using the Samuel Oschin Telescope at Palomar Observatory near San Diego. But it is so far from the Sun that it moves very slowly across the sky. (Its orbital period is 560 years.) The astronomers only detected that motion when they took a second look at their images in January, 2005. By early 2006, they had determined that it is approximately 3000 kilometers (nearly 1900 miles) in diameter, or almost as large as Earth's Moon.

Finally, Why isn't Pluto a Planet?

It is not a planet because it did not fit the definition of a planet per the following IAU's Resolutions 5 and 6 adopted in August 2006 in Prague.

RESOLUTION 5: Definition of a Planet in the Solar System
Contemporary observations are changing our understanding of planetary systems, and it is important that our nomenclature for objects reflect our current understanding. This applies, in particular, to the designation "planets". The word "planet" originally described "wanderers" that were known only as moving lights in the sky. Recent discoveries lead us to create a new definition, which we can make using currently available scientific information.

The IAU therefore resolves that planets and other bodies, except satellites, in our Solar System be defined into three distinct categories in the following way:
(1) A planet is a celestial body that: (a) is in orbit around the Sun, (b) has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a hydrostatic equilibrium (nearly round) shape, and (c) has cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit. (2) A "dwarf planet" is a celestial body that (a) is in orbit around the Sun, (b) has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a hydrostatic equilibrium (nearly round) shape,(c) has not cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit, and (d) is not a satellite. (3) All other objects,except satellites, orbiting the Sun shall be referred to collectively as "Small Solar System Bodies".

RESOLUTION 6: Pluto
The IAU further resolves: Pluto is a "dwarf planet" by the above definition and is recognized as the prototype of a new category of Trans-Neptunian Objects.

Telugu PunTulu

If you cannot speak and read Telugu, sorry, this blog post will not make any sense to you.

While I was enjoying the Pun-off, I was wondering if we have the concept of puns in Telugu. Then I had a recollection of this అష్టావధానమ్ program that I attended at A.U. Assembly Hall in my previous life.

I very well remember the name of the అష్టావధాని (who was a Telugu teacher, I heard) - శ్రీ మేడసాని మొహన్. At one point in this event, while Sri. Mohan was busy counting the bell rings and the drums beats (as a part of the eight tasks that he was supposed to be performing), one of the judges asked him to describe a Brahmin meal, using the words పంది and కోడి!! As his response on pondering for a few minutes, Sri. Mohan started narrating decoration of the hall and the feast of a marriage ceremony by "ఆకాశమంత పందిరి వేసి, వేడి వేడి పకోడి పెట్ట..." (meaning: they built a sky-high mandapam for marriage, and during the feast, they served gharam gharam pakodi). I was impressed!

Azim Premji's Message to Wiproites

My childhood buddy Raama forwarded me the following information and the photograph a month or so ago. This article was published in Times of India (Bangalore) on April 12, 2007.

Over 60,000 Wiproites have received some powerful advice from their big boss, Azim Premji, chairman, Wipro Ltd. In an e-mail sent on April 9, the software czar shared his successes, setbacks and the lessons he learnt during his corporate journey. TOI brings you some excerpts from that as we believe Premji's message can cut across multiple business domains to benefit millions of employees and employers, and not just Wiproites

Dear Wiproite,

My own successes and setbacks along the way have taught me some lessons. I wish to share them with you and hope you will find them useful.

Lesson #1: Be careful to ask what you want. You may get it.

What this means is that do not ask too little either of yourself or the others around you. What you ask is what you get. When I look back at the time when I joined Wipro, I was 21. If you ask me whether I thought that Wipro would grow so by someday, the honest answer is that I did not. But neither did I think it would not. We constantly stretched ourselves to higher and higher targets. Sometimes, it seemed possible, sometimes fanciful and sometimes plain insane. But we never stopped raising limits. And we got a lot more than what we bargained for.

Lesson # 2: Respond, don't react

Always be aware of your emotions and learn to manage them. There is a huge difference between people who react impulsively and those who can disengage themselves and then respond at will. By choosing to respond differently, we can prevent another person from controlling our behaviour. I remember a small story that illustrates this well. There was once a newspaper vendor who had a rude customer. Every morning, the customer would walk by, refuse to return the greeting, grab the paper off the shelf and throw the money at the vendor. The vendor would pick up the money, smile politely and say, Thank you, Sir. One day, the vendor's assistant asked him, Why are you always so polite with him when he is so rude to you? Why don't you throw the newspaper at him when he comes back tomorrow? The vendor smiled and replied, "He can't help being rude and I can't help being polite. Why should I let his rude behaviour dictate mine?''

Lesson # 3: Intuitions are important for making decisions

It is important to realise that our intuition is a very important part of decision making. Many things are recorded by our subconscious. Use both sides of the brain. Even that is not enough. Some decisions need the use of the heart as well. When you use your mind and heart together, you may get a completely new and creative answer.

Lesson # 4: Learn to work in teams

The challenges ahead are so complex that no individual will be able to face them alone. While most of our education is focused in individual strength, teaming with others is equally important. You cannot fire a missile from a canoe. Unless you build a strong network of people with complimentary skills, you will be restricted by your own limitations. Globalisation has brought people of different origins, different upbringing and different cultures together. Ability to become an integral part of a cross-cultural team will be a must for your success.

Lesson #5: Never lose your zest and curiosity

All the available knowledge in the world is accelerating at a phenomenal rate. The whole world's codified knowledge base (all documented information in library books and electronic files) doubled every 30 years in the early 20th century. By the 1970s, the world's knowledge base doubled every seven years. Information researchers predict that by the year 2010, the world's codified knowledge will double every 11 hours. Remaining on top of what you need to know will become one of the greatest challenges for you.

The natural zest and curiosity for learning is one of the greatest drivers for keeping updated on knowledge. A child's curiosity is insatiable because every new object is a thing of wonder and mystery. The same zest is needed to keep learning new things. I personally spend at least 10 hours every week on reading. If I do not do that, I will find myself quickly outdated.

Lesson # 6: Put yourself first

This does not mean being selfish. Nor does it mean that you must become so full of yourself that that you become vain or arrogant.

It means developing your self-confidence. It means, developing an inner faith in yourself that is not shaken by external events. It requires perseverance. It shows up in the ability to rebound from a setback with double enthusiasm and energy. I came across a recent Harvard Business Review which describes this very effectively: No one can truly define success and failure for us. Only we can define that for ourselves. No one can take away our dignity unless we surrender it. No one can take away our hope and pride unless we relinquish them. No one can steal our creativity, imagination and skills unless we stop thinking. No one can stop us from rebounding unless we give up. And there is no way we can take care of others, unless we take care of ourselves.

Lesson # 7: Have a broader social vision

While there is every reason to be excited about the future, we must not forget that we will face many challenges as well. By 2015, we will have 829 million strong workforce. That will make India home to 18% of global working-age population. The key challenge is to transform that into a globally competitive work-force.

This will not be an easy task. Despite all the rapid economic expansion seen in recent years, job growth in India still trails the rise in workingage population. It is important that gains are spread across this spectrum, so that the divide between the employed and the under-employed, is minimised. Education is a crucial enabler that can make this growth as equitable as possible.

Lesson # 8: Play to win

Playing to win is not the same as playing dirty. It is not about winning all the time or winning at any cost. Playing to win is having the intensity to stretch to the maximum and bringing our best foot forward. Winning means focusing on the game. The score board tells you where you are going, but don't concentrate too much on it. If you can focus on the ball, the scores will move by themselves. I recently came across this story that I thought I would share with you. A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went into the kitchen. He returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal-some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite and asked them to help themselves to coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, you were more concerned about comparing your cups but what you really wanted was coffee. Yet you spent all your time eying each other's cups.

Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to contain life, but cannot really change the quality of life. Sometimes, by over concentrating on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee."

I wish you all every success in your career and your life.