A Scientist's Clone

Read this a long time ago, and came across it again; thought it was funny.

A scientist was successful in cloning himself, and was asked to speak at a national convention of cloning scientists. The meeting room was located on the 45th floor of a New York skyscraper.

"My fellow scientists," he began, but before he could utter another word, the clone jumped up and shouted, "He's a *&^^%*&!". Apologizing for the interruption, the scientist began again. "My fellow scientists," and again, the clone sprang to his feet
and yelled, "This dumb *%@(&+*! couldn't produce a copy on a Xerox. He's a
fraudulent *$3%$#*#+=!"

Incensed, the scientist rushed to the clone, grabbed him, and threw him out of the window. The crowd gasped, and security rushed into the room. A short while later, New York's finest arrived, and the events that had transpired were explained to them. The police chief said to the scientist, "We are going to have to arrest you".

"The scientist replied, "For what? You can't arrest me for killing a clone!" The attending scientists nodded in agreement."Well!" retorted the police chief. He thought for a moment and ordered the scientist held for making an obscene clone fall.

Source: Frappydoo

Asimov's Short Story

As is well known, in this thirtieth century of ours, space travel is fearfully dull and time-consuming. In search of diversion, many crew members defy the quarantine restrictions and pick up pets from the various habitable worlds they explore.

Jim Sloane had a rockette, which he called Teddy. It just sat there, looking like a rock, but sometimes it lifted a lower edge and sucked in powdered sugar. That was all it ate. No one ever saw it move, but every once in a while, it wasn't quite where people thought it was. There was a theory that it moved when no one was looking. Bob Laverty had a heli-worm he called Dolly. It was green and carried on photosynthesis. Sometimes it moved to get into better light and when it did so it coiled its wormlike body and inched along very slowly like a turning helix.

One day, Jim Sloane challenged Bob Laverty to a race. "My Teddy," he said, "can beat your Dolly." "Your Teddy," scoffed Laverty, "doesn't move." "Bet!" said Sloane. The whole crew got into the act. Even the captain risked half a credit. Everyone bet on Dolly. At least she moved. Jim Sloane covered it all. He had been saving his salary through three trips and he put every millicredit of it on Teddy. The race started at one end of the grand salon. At the other end, a heap of sugar had been placed for Teddy and a spotlight for Dolly.

Dolly formed a coil at once and began to spiral its way very slowly toward the light. The watching crew cheered it on. Teddy just sat there without budging. "Sugar, Teddy. Sugar," said Sloane, pointing. Teddy did not move. It looked more like a rock than ever, but Sloane did not seem concerned.

Finally, when Dolly had spiraled halfway across the salon, Jim Sloane said casually to his rockette, "If you don't get out there, Teddy, I'm going to get a hammer and chip you into pebbles." That was when people first discovered that rockettes could read minds. That was also when people first discovered that rockettes could teleport. Sloane had no sooner made his threat when Teddy simply disappeared from his place and reappeared on top of the sugar.

Sloane won, of course, and he counted his winnings slowly and luxuriously. Laverty said bitterly, "You knew the damn thing could teleport." "No, I didn't," said Sloane, "but I knew he would win. It was a sure thing." "How come?" "It's an old saying everyone knows. Sloane's Teddy wins the race."

Source: Asimov Online

Enjoy Your Coffee

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee in most cases, just more expensive; and in some cases, even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups... and then began eyeing each other's cups.

Now consider this: Life is the coffee, and the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of Life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee.

Source: The Pulse

Astronaut Arrested!

ORLANDO, Fla. - An astronaut drove 900 miles and donned a disguise to confront a woman she believed was her rival for the affections of a space shuttle pilot, police said. She was arrested Monday and charged with attempted kidnapping and other counts.

U.S. Navy Capt. Lisa Nowak, 43, who flew last July on a shuttle mission to the international space station, was also charged with attempted vehicle burglary with battery, destruction of evidence and battery. She was denied bail. Police said Nowak drove from her home in Houston to the Orlando International Airport to confront Colleen Shipman.

Nowak believed Shipman was romantically involved with Navy Cmdr. William Oefelein, a pilot during space shuttle Discovery’s trip to the space station last December, police said.

Source: MSNBC

Jesus' Math

One day, Jesus said to his disciples, "The Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x^2 + 8x -9." A man who had just joined the disciples looked very confused and asked Peter, "What on Earth does he mean by that?" Peter replied, "Don't worry, it's just another one of his parabolas."

Source: ddhr.org

Super Bowl Day

It is Super Bowl Sunday. I see that there are still a few tickets available at Stubhub for about $2,500 to $13,500 a pop (probably, these numbers change every minute!).

If you were selected for broadcasting a 30-second Advertisement during this year's Super Bowl, you would have paid $2.6 million for it - it works out to about $87,000 per second!

Here is a really cool Fed Ex Ad from last year's (2006) Super Bowl. I Loved the guy kicking the baby dinosaur and getting pasted by a giant foot in the next second - a little unintended "there is always a bigger fish" message!

Moral/Ethical Dilemma

Here is an excerpt from what I found on IT Contractor. Not sure if it actually was part of an interview or not, but it sure is a nice one.

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading.This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with an answer.WHAT DID HE SAY?He simply answered:

"I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box".